Woohoo!! Day 6! It's been quite the day. I've felt good. Maybe it's because I'm almost done with the detox and see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it has also been an emotional two days. Yesterday there was something that made me feel left out, lonely & not valued which is ridiculous because it all surrounded food. But it wasn't about food, it was about feelings & inclusion. Five years ago I never would have thought that food would be such an emotional part of my life. But I guess that's what happens when you finally realize you can't eat like everyone else. And when the reason is medical, not because of a fad diet or trend, it's emotionally harder. I've mentioned before that I have
a lot of things I already can't eat... so having these seven days to not eat anything normal really put me in a sad place. I hit a spot yesterday that made me just want to feel normal again. And not in a body/pain sense... but in a "I'm just like everyone else" sense. You know what though, I'm not like everyone else but there are so many of you out there that are like me! That's why I love our blogging & twitter community so much. It gives all of us a place to interact and vent and be honest about what's happening. And it makes us feel like we belong.
I'm so thankful for today. I got my bloodwork back from Dr. Reisman and everything was good news! He found some constructive things that we can work on so that makes me feel really blessed. My Vitamin D level was basically non-existent, my thyroid was on the lower side & he wants to ramp up my iodine. This explains a lot - mainly the thyroid & vitamin D - so I'm really glad I took the leap to find him. Everytime I felt like I was doctor shopping has been vindicated because I finally have someone who listens to me, finds the root & formulates a plan specifically for me. He doesn't hand me a pamphlet and my choice of injection or pain killer.
I also had an appointment with my mindfulness counselor. Yes, you heard that right, mindfulness counselor. She's amazing. She's a psychiatrist at the Vanderbilt Integrative Center and she's hands down the best thing I've gotten out of that center. She's helped me navigate this whole journey with sickness, doctors, life, etc. I know it's a social stigma to say all of this out loud & admit I needed help sorting out my feelings but I've been honest with everything I've written so far, why stop now?
My last surgery experience was less than stellar. The hospital, nurses, anesthesiology, etc... they were horrible. I know I can always choose my surgeon who I trust, but I don't get a choice in support staff. These people treated me like a number and said/did things to me that make me not trust the care I received. As a result, I have a real anxiety about surgery. I know it isn't open heart surgery, that I don't have cancer, etc... but as I've gotten older I guess you'd say I have more to lose. I love my husband, our life & the promise in our future. I want to be a mom & see our kids grow up. My parents & extended family are all healthy, happy & in a great place. I just want the streak to continue. So we're gonna keep thinking that way! I have to get better at controlling only the things I can & having faith in the things I can't. Sounds kinda like a serenity prayer huh?
Well today's been full of hope & support. I have to give a shout out to my amazing husband who without his patience and love, I could not have had liquid alone for 6 days. He's the one who encourages me to keep searching for answers when I feel like I need them & holds me when things are rough. We've learned a lot about life in the past two years and I thank God for him finding me to share a life with. I also want to thank my parents, who are always there, always listening & supportive in so many ways. There's no forgetting my brother. I don't always get the time I want with him and miss him so much but he's one of my favorite people to talk to and is so good at letting me vent :) AND last but not least! My dog Bama. There's nothing like having someone who's always so excited you're home, who always just wants to be with you & comes running to kiss you when you cry. I'm a lucky lady with people who love me, cleanse-crabby or not :)
I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend. I know I will... because I'll be back to eating ;) I still haven't figured out the best meal idea yet! I need some ideas!